Year of Depression

I give up.

We all have that kind of feeling when we are too stressed in our life and can’t think of anything but giving up..

At my early age, I also have those struggles in life. Like , “Am I worthy to live?” , “If I’m worthy then why don’t they understand me?!”

Overthinking.

This word definitely fits the youth today. Though,they overthink very deeply and so negative about themselves that can be some times results as a suicide itself.

Being alone really sucks. You don’t have someone to talk to about your problems and the one who’ll beside you when you are crying a river of emotions.

These past days, I had read so many tweets about depression. Yeah, most of them they are teenagers. And I am also one of them blurting about my dramas in life if I don’t have someone available to talk to.

Some people says, depression of a child always comes first from their family. It may be from a broken families, loneliness, comparison from their siblings,financials, quarrels inside their home,or pressures put into their child.

I am writing this because no one listens.

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Somebody might not be reading this in view of the fact that I put a new boring and not so entertaining blog because I am about to tell my small complaints in life. Sigh.

I really regret some things I did and I will do in my life. It is just that I am not really afraid of trying but of people who will see my actions—obviously they have eyes, not only that but I am certainly over thinking of how will they judge every move I make especially my appearance. I am not really born with great features and figures. I am a nerd, yeah. And a not-so-slim but not-so-fat also.

Every time I will report or recite in class, sooner or later I will stutter and having mental blank from what I am going to say. I am really embarrassed in myself for having an unpleasant appearance for those who are there– especially going to stages. I have the confidence but I lack some of it because I down myself for reminding always that I am not really worth trying;for me to be on that stage, on that role, on that being the best, on that being a leader, and on that being me without doubts on what kind of face I’ll make and the body figure I have that I embarrassed with.

I really, really want to join some contests and show what I’ve really got.  I want to explore and challenge many things too but because of the wall I am facing, I cannot go further more. Sigh..